Epitomy of Fat, and i didnt fight back.

***I first must clarify that none of the following situations are to be taken as me being rude or racist. These are all accurate stories, mearly repeating was was said to me. read at your own risk.***

These are the 3, count them THREE, times i didnt fight back. normally i am not the girl to let it slide (if you will). i am a mind speaker, and a fire-it-backer. i blame the following instances on being 100% caught of guard.

SITUATION 1) picture driving for 8 hours with all the windows down, in abnormally hot heat for the time of year. you are driving to go camping. you are with your friends, none of whome you need to impress. You reach your destination, and immediatly realize if you do not go to the bathroom to relieve yourself, you will be relieving yourself right where you stand. so you sort of book-it to the camp bathrooms and an overly made up (dare i say) tramp takes one look at you disgusted and says "you may want to put your hair up in a pony-tail. i would even let you have a hair tie. it doesnt look good" ...yes, this happened to me.


SITUATION 2) Imagine yourself falling down a flight of stairs. (yes, some of you recall this happening to me). You then have to escort yourself to the doctor to have xrays to determine how serious the situation is. You are in the xray room with the stupid xray lady, who OBVIOUSLY forgets you are already in severe pain, and is twisting your shit around like its fine. First she tells you "go ahead and put on that extra lead jacket, we want to protect the baby." you shrug this off as her horribly tactless way of asking you if you are pregnant (you know they have to ask by law, so you shrug it off since your knee is broken and thats more important.) You tell her your "not pregnant, but will wear whatever I need to, lets just get this thing rolling". She then drops everything and says "...are you SURE you are not pregnant?!" ...thinking to yourself , you say "yes i am sure." Nurse then continues to say "well wear it anyway, i think you may be pregnant and so we will take the precautions just in case, and you may want to double check on that." ...yes, this happened to me.


SITUATION 3) you are trying on tall, zip up boots in target. it is fall, you have never owned a pair of knee high zip up boots (you know, the kind everyone has), and although you will never wear them outside anyclothing to show how hooker-high they are, you want them for under your pants. just to have. so anyway, you are trying on boots. immediately after putting on the first boot, you realize your calf-to-foot proportions are not ideal. you go for it anyway. as you squat there and discretely struggle to zip them up around your leg, the smallest, skinniest, LOUDEST chinese woman rounds the aisle. pointing dead at you with her long finger, and grabbing her friend by the arm, she yells " SEE, I TOLD YOU! 'DEES AMERICANS EAT TOO MUCH!!" yeah... this happened to me.

~perhaps i should have just posted this under " I Swaer This Shit Only Happens To Me".

... or perhaps thats waht I should have just called the whole blog~

I Swear this Sh*t Only Happens To Me

We started out this last Sunday going to the beach for the day. After drinking everything that we brought, and sitting out what i feel was the closest thing to a sand storm in the Sahara that i will ever be in, we decided that we had been there long enough and it was time to go back to town.

In walking back to the car, we over hear the blondest barbi i've ever met in real live say to her friend "OH MY GAAWWWWD, THIS WOULD BE THE BEST PLACE FOR MY SENIOR PHOTOS..." Point taken. So my friends and i decide that it would be a good idea to take as MANY senior photos on the wat back to the car as possible.

(I feel that we may have had far too good of a time with this. actual "senior Photos" can be found on my facebook page, under photo album name "Senior Photooos" )

being the excellent cameraman that i am, i thought i would back up against this wooden/cable railing to really get a great position for the next shot. The railing's purpose was for keeping everyone/everything from tumbling down the mountain and into the small rocky creak below. Point is, as i back up i lean up SLIGHTLY against the railing.

Apparently i am either the girl who is heavier than she thinks she is and i didnt realize that the wet, old railing could NOT support my weight, OR i am the girl who only thinks things half way through before beginning them, but immediately i feel the middle cable behind me slip further and further from my back, and my body involintairly begins to head much further backwards than i would have wanted. Thinking that the middle cable was just loose, and being the quick thinker we all know i am, i grab the highest cable to pull myself back toward safety. Turns out more than just the middle cable was loose. my sliding out of control body weight actually ripped the entire last post from the ground, and so in grabbing the cable, it just slid through ALL the remaining standing posts, giving me enough slack to fall to my death.

i try to throw my body onto the pavement path as to NOT fall down the hill covered in every plant Oregon has to offer my allergic self. But, alas, I threw myself to the pavement a little to late, for i was already far to far away from it. SO i tangle myself up in the cables and somehow suspend myself mid way down.

*STUCK IN CABLE CORDS HALF WAY DOWN A MOUNTAIN= CHECK

*CRYING FROM LAUGHING AND BEING IN AN ASTRONOMICAL AMOUNT OF PAIN=CHECK

*ALL MY FRIENDS TAKING PICTURES OF ME BEFORE HELPING ME=CHECK

*ALL PASSING PEOPLE ASKING ME IF I FELL, OR DID I KNOW I WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO GO DOWN THERE, BUT NOT HELPING ME UP=CHECK.

i am just far enough down the cliff that just lifting me is not a possibility.

...so i hang there. literally.

...until we derive another method of getting me back up.

Friends stand on the cables further down the path to make the ones i am tangled in (and hanging onto) tight enough to make me a little higher up and so i can sort of hoist myself up a little and use my free leg and my arms to untrap my right thigh. While i do this, my other friend lifts me up from under my armpits, becuse i was now high enough that she could reach me. Together we use our weight and pull me from cable cord cliff hell, and back to beaten path forest safety.

SUCCESS! ...sort of.

scratched and bruised up, and the only thing currently covered in rash today is my leg. doesnt look like poison ivy, but it sure feels like it.

me hanging, holding on for dear life to the metal cable rope. yes, that is black hole death. no land immediatly under me. cant touch anything with my feet...

casey pulling me back up as i kick my thigh free. yes, those gruesome disgusting faces were for a reason. yucky, painful distress face i call it.