I need help. I can't balance. This is the third time I am writing this blog because i need to vent, and don't need to ramble. I need ideas.
I am stressed. FAR more stressed on a daily basis then i need to be. I don't have a stressful life: I am happy, I am in love and am loved in return. I have a home, a family, and fabulous friends whom I think the world of. I, overall, like my job and make more money than i pay in bills, and although I am not making lots of money, I am able to go out, take the boyfriend out and pay, see my friends, afford a day off, etc...
these things are not stressful.
But I am stressed. Little things. Big things. I don't have enough time in the day.
I already don't sleep- I never have been good at it. You lose hours of the day you could utilize to your benefit, you miss things.. you wake up and have to "catch up" on whatever happened while you were out. from the person next to you in your bed, to the tsunami across the world... you don't know what happens when you sleep and that really bugs me.
lately I am so burnt out and exhausted that I fall asleep. I then get sad at myself because that is the opposite of how i want to spend my time. that is exactly what i have always hated about sleeping. I sleep only because you have to. end of story.
YOU CAN SLEEP WHEN YOU ARE DEAD.
And because I load my days full, it eventually catches up with me at the end of the week and I dont have the time or the energy to do the things i want to do (to the extend i want to do them) i am MORE stressed.
Stress brings on more migraines. migraines result in more sleeping. HATE that.
Stress brings on tears, those suck. If i even think about crying, my eyes puff up. not cute. you've all seen the photos.
Stress gets in my way of my good time. I have had a breakdown 3 times in the last 2 weeks. That is so unlike me. I think i have pinpointed an anxiety problem.
One of the many things my body is messed up with, i will ask the doctor about it Tuesday. I know if i sleep more, i will have the energy to do the things i want to do, but it just isn't working that way. and i get all anxious and freaked out when it doesn't. and i want to spend all my free time clearing out any possible things i would have to do on the 2 days i get to see the boyfriend, so i can see him. then i am so flipping tired I cant do that right.
Why can't I space my time out? WHY is everything so imperative to me that it has to be done NOW? i mean, i am efficient... i do have that going for me. but seriously, there has to be a way to balance the fun things, the things you need to do, the sleeping, all the things at work...
More to come after the doctor. my prediction: he tells me to start getting some sleep. FML
Xanax my friend. It's a beautiful thing. ;)
ReplyDeleteI agree, when you're stressed without an apparent reason, the next call is to the doctor. Anti-anxiety meds are a temporary fix, but at least they might help you balance things out long enough to get some perspective. It's possible there's an underlying medical condition (not necessarily psychological) that's resulting in your experiences. Beyond that, I don't know. See what the doctor has to say and then take it from there.
ReplyDeleteohh darlin, we are having similar situations it seems. Here's my advice:
ReplyDelete1. We need a girls night SUPER STAT. Relaxing. Vodka. Movies. Sweats.
2. BIG long story that I need to tell you...I have an anxiety disorder that triggered from a thyroid problem. I highly recommend that you ask your doctor to check your thyroid levels.
Just remember, I LOVE YOU! <3
Thanks friends. Appreciate the feedback
ReplyDeleteExercize! Trust me. The chemical route is easy. As one who enjoys his alcohol and takes an occasional Xanax, they are nothing but stop gaps. I also have a thyroid condition and certainly that should be checked but mine made me sleepy. Nothing frees one from stress like a dose of endorphins and contributes to REM sleep like a good hike up Table Rock. Work it into the routine somehow. After giving lots of lame excuses I've been bike commuting 5-6 miles a day. It ain't much but it makes all the difference in the world. You just have to move it up the priority list.
ReplyDelete