This morning while getting my coffee so I could be uber productive at work, i met in the hall a face Icould not place. (Hate it when that happens, by the by.) He obviously recognized me as well, and as we walked past each other with a mere "good morning" I started to put the ol' thinkin cap on. It can be extremely difficult to place someone when they are out of their normal areas, not going to lie. ...SO as I grab my straw it hits me. That was the dude from the horrible 7-11 slurpee run! Having just talked about my need to blog last night while wine&gaming with my friends, I thought this was someone up there's way of saying- tell THAT story. so now ya get it:
A few summers ago I got a narsty case of the strep. Staying home and resting OBVIOUSLY didn’t do the trick, so I took my better shoulder angel's advice and went to party the sick right out. That night=fun. Next morning=not so much. Felt like a million people scraped my throat with forks. Remedy for swollen, sore throat?!... SLURPEE.
So, i grab my roommate at the time and we hung-overly walk to my car to drive to the 7-11. Get there, and as I am pulling in to the 2nd spot from the left, I notice homeless man sitting on curb. and he has the look of fear on his dirty weathered face. Doing the extremely noticeable :look-at-me, look-at-the-car, look-at-me" thing with his head, I look at my roommate and ask her wtf is going on with curb-man. I decide to go with my better judgment and still get out to get a slurpee. When I stand up out of my car, the homeless guy points at my car and literally says
"WHAT THE F*CK DID YOU HIT?!"
... guy could tell I am super confused at this point and so he shakes his finger at my car and says "DID YOU HIT SOMEONE?"
Spinning around I look at my car. Sure as shit there is a crap ton of HAIR coming out of the tire well and across the lower side of the car. Not going to lie, i freaked.
Immediately I start running through the night.
*did I let someone drive my car?...no
*did I drive my car after drinking downtown? ....NO
*does someone have the other set of keys?...NO!
*Did I see any dead animals around my car this morning?...NO!!
... I am at a loss and I did not know what to do. But there is no doubt that there is blond hair all over my business.
Extremely out of it I walk into the gas station to collect my thoughts and figure out what to do.
shaking=check.
crying=check.
worried=check. WTF!
... that’s when the guy from the coffee shop this morning comes into play. HE was the cashier.
He sees me freaking and does the "ma'am, is there something Ican help you with?"
of course, I say, "there is something on my car. I think I hit something, but I cant remember. "
then I tell him the curb man pointed it out and says it looks like human hair and I was freaking too much to check it out and i asked the cashier what I should do. He jumps the counter and runs out there, and honest to god covers his mouth and turns away. I thought he was going to throw up. He turns back around, kneels down, and sticks his hand up under the car and starts pulling out the hair. and more hair and more hair and finally, a piece of the source of the hair.
A freaking Barbi head.
OMG
i ran over a clan of barbies and their stupid plastic hair static stuck to my car. Cashier starts crying he’s laughing so hard. really, everyone starts laughing...except me. all I can think is "you have GOT to be kidding me."
Cashier guy gave me my slurpee for free that day. the jumbo size in a Simpson's squishee collectors cup. Still have the cup.
I hate barbies.
A few summers ago I got a narsty case of the strep. Staying home and resting OBVIOUSLY didn’t do the trick, so I took my better shoulder angel's advice and went to party the sick right out. That night=fun. Next morning=not so much. Felt like a million people scraped my throat with forks. Remedy for swollen, sore throat?!... SLURPEE.
So, i grab my roommate at the time and we hung-overly walk to my car to drive to the 7-11. Get there, and as I am pulling in to the 2nd spot from the left, I notice homeless man sitting on curb. and he has the look of fear on his dirty weathered face. Doing the extremely noticeable :look-at-me, look-at-the-car, look-at-me" thing with his head, I look at my roommate and ask her wtf is going on with curb-man. I decide to go with my better judgment and still get out to get a slurpee. When I stand up out of my car, the homeless guy points at my car and literally says
"WHAT THE F*CK DID YOU HIT?!"
... guy could tell I am super confused at this point and so he shakes his finger at my car and says "DID YOU HIT SOMEONE?"
Spinning around I look at my car. Sure as shit there is a crap ton of HAIR coming out of the tire well and across the lower side of the car. Not going to lie, i freaked.
Immediately I start running through the night.
*did I let someone drive my car?...no
*did I drive my car after drinking downtown? ....NO
*does someone have the other set of keys?...NO!
*Did I see any dead animals around my car this morning?...NO!!
... I am at a loss and I did not know what to do. But there is no doubt that there is blond hair all over my business.
Extremely out of it I walk into the gas station to collect my thoughts and figure out what to do.
shaking=check.
crying=check.
worried=check. WTF!
... that’s when the guy from the coffee shop this morning comes into play. HE was the cashier.
He sees me freaking and does the "ma'am, is there something Ican help you with?"
of course, I say, "there is something on my car. I think I hit something, but I cant remember. "
then I tell him the curb man pointed it out and says it looks like human hair and I was freaking too much to check it out and i asked the cashier what I should do. He jumps the counter and runs out there, and honest to god covers his mouth and turns away. I thought he was going to throw up. He turns back around, kneels down, and sticks his hand up under the car and starts pulling out the hair. and more hair and more hair and finally, a piece of the source of the hair.
A freaking Barbi head.
OMG
i ran over a clan of barbies and their stupid plastic hair static stuck to my car. Cashier starts crying he’s laughing so hard. really, everyone starts laughing...except me. all I can think is "you have GOT to be kidding me."
Cashier guy gave me my slurpee for free that day. the jumbo size in a Simpson's squishee collectors cup. Still have the cup.
I hate barbies.
I'm sorry it happened to you, but I'm TOTALLY stealing that prank.
ReplyDeleteMy most favorite sentence of all time: "But there is no doubt that there is blond hair all over my business."
ReplyDelete