Karlee May... has a terrorist ring to it, yes?

True Story: (as are all my blog posts. just sayin')

A few years ago, perhaps '06 or '07, I took my boyfriend at the time (for the sake of the story we'll call him Fish) to Vegas for his birthday to see his favorite show, among other things. It was 100% a surprise trip. I called into his boss and secretly requested he have the time off. The day before the trip I told him what kind of weather to and how many days to pack for.

He didn’t know where we were going until we got to the Boise Airport, and again didn’t know what for until the night that I had tickets to the show, etc...

Anyway, we had a fun few *spendy* days in good ol' Las V and alas, it was time to head back to Boise.

We get to the airport, and I am immediately sad at how much busier it is than BOI. So we wait...and wait.... and wait in line for the security check. FINALLY we get to the front of the line to go through the beeper/scanner/"take-off-your-shoes-because-of-course-your-walking-on-your-bomb" area. I walk up to security man first... good to go. Then fish.

Immediately security man tells me to hold it. (yes he says "hold it"... of course initially I am thinking "hold what?!"...realizing he means "hold on.")

Fish's ID was expired according to Nevada Travel Law. Not Idaho, Nevada.

Apparently this means, yes, we are considered High Terrorist Threats.

Now, I am not sure how many of you have been considered High Terrorist Threats, but let me tell you-NO GOOD.

We both had to be police escorted down another aisle-past everyone who is waiting in line who now THINKS we are terrorists-, down another long hall, and into a funky room. In said room is a giant glass tank(for lack of a better word), and the ONLY other people besides us, police, and more police, is a family of 5 looking/sounding to be straight from Afghanistan. #SNAP! #RUDE

.. Again we wait in line. And my clothes go into a third line, to be swabbed and tested and picked at for god knows what. So in my line, of course ladies first, they instruct me to take off most my clothes (YEP!) and step into the glass tank. I have to stand with my feet EXACTLY on the footprints, hold my hands EXACTLY where it is marked. Doing so, the bomb test begins. My entire body got blasted from every direction by air bullets! One air bullet hit me on the top of the head, flipping a piece of my hair into my eyes. So what do I do?! I blow the hair chuck off my face. Bad Idea. This set off all the alarms in the tank. By blowing the hair off my face and out of my eyes, apparently I could have been telling my inner bomb to not go off.
So AGAIN I get metal baton-ed as I stand there practically naked -arms up in the air, legs spread, the alarms are going off and everyone is staring at me. (I consider what I was wearing to be naked considering I was in the middle of an airport- I want to clarify I was not 100% literally in my birthday suit.)
The baton does not pick up any bomb signs so I have to go back into the glass tank. This time they ask me if I understand them when they tell me not to move a god d*mn inch. Yep- pretty sure I freakin get that at this point.
... Much to my surprise (NOT) they re-air bullet test me, finish testing my clothes and decide I was not a threat to THIS flight. (I say THIS flight because there is more...)

They give Fish a similar test and tell us never to travel with an expired ID again. They let us go and escort us to our gate. Funny, the person I was right behind before being escorted away was waiting at the same gate to come home! The area we were standing cleared out pretty dang fast. This one punk kid asked me what we got in trouble for, and I said they thought we were terrorists because of an expired ID not to worry, I was BOMB FREE! *This is not to be mistaken with that I am "the bomb"*

... No issues on flights until...
This last spring I decided to go to the lovely Kauai, Hawaii with a friend of mine. Way back to Idaho, I AGAIN had to go to a special screening. They tested my shoes, clothes, and items in my carry on quite the same way as they did in the city that never sleeps. Coincidence?! I think not.

My friends, I am THE BOMB.