Lock Lock, Double Lock

8 years ago, I didn't think it of any importance to lock your car door while in the car.

After the coming incidents, you will understand why I have done it religiously- whether I be driving, front seat, back seat, your car, my car...(you get the point).

8 years ago a drunk bum tried to steal me from my car.

At least I think he tried to steal me- never stuck around to find out his exact intention.

..and at least i think he was drunk-I only confirmed the odor of booze.

But certainly, he was homeless.

Anyway-I was sitting at a red light at 15th and State Street one lovely summer night in our lovely town of Boise. Window down, music bumpin' (if you will), and nothing out of the ordinary.

I saw the bum walking up to me. This is important because he did not catch me by surprise. I took (what i thought was) proper precautions and discretely began rolling up the window. (I did not want to offend him and make him THINK it was because of him, but he freaked me out.)

Faster than I could even get the window all the way up, he tried to reach in. Upon noticing that was not going to work, he opened the car door! I grabbed the handle on the inside and pulled it shut. Before I could get it locked he was opening it again- together our opposing strenghts arguing over who was going to get what they wanted. I wanted safety. He wanted in.

NO THANKS. I screamed at the driver to go...and we did. Right through the red light.

Side Note: any near death experience running a red light might have posed for me was a walk in the park compared to the bum trying to get me.

Reaching safety blocks away, I called the police.

This was incident numero uno.

A couple years later I was the actual driver of a car where a stranger tried to get it.

Again, at night, I ran a stop light to escape the stranger. He obviously could not get in seeing as my door was locked. That's two times for me that I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

THIS IS BOISE PEOPLE. Scary stuff.

Hence why I lock my doors immediately upon entering a vehicle. You never know when someone is going to want to steal you.

Its Different Today

It’s different today.
Not a terrible different, just a noticeable one.
It’s a combination of things actually. Weather, emotions,
the fact that it’s Monday and I am at home.
I still need to take a shower.
It’s different today.

I am reading.
I am reading because being stuck in this book is keeping me from shaking.
I am reading, but I am frustrated at how slow my progress is.
I keep looking at my phone to see the time,
looking at the page number to see how far I’ve read, and back at my phone again.
No one has contacted me yet today.
My eyes hurt, they really burn-that’s also why I am reading so slowly.
But I’m not too frustrated to shut my eyes.
The book is good, I won’t lie.
It’s different today.

I feel funny. Not HA-HA funny.

I like to be 'make you laugh' funny. I like to make light of things.

But I mean funny like 'odd.'

I don't feel like being funny.

That's different today.

We decide to catch up on a favorite pastime.
We snuggle down under a blanket we’ve sat under a thousand times,
but you still ask me if you are taking up too much of it.
Of course not- we fit fine under here.
My laptop is notably hot on my thighs, even through the blanket.
It doesn’t matter though, its comforting. I am comfortable.
Normally I wouldn’t have noticed, but today I am abnormally aware of my surroundings.
But the show is good, and you are good, and so I don’t think about it long.
It’s just different today.

We both know we are tired.
You need some sleep.
I am going to be awake for a while, I already know that.
I can feel and hear both of our heartbeats. We are calm, but
they are equally heavy and fast.
You are dreaming- your body is telling me that.
I am listening, and thinking, and I am anxious.
Or is it nervous? Or maybe it’s merely anticipation. I don’t know what it is.
I do know that I love you. That feeling is very strong.
And I wouldn’t change this moment in any way.
I am surprisingly happy, but I still don’t feel good.
It’s different today.

Dreams

I have always had very intense dreams. I wake up crying... like big sobs and tons of tears and gasping for breath crying- all the time. sometimes i have no recollection of it, and just wake up to a tear soaked pillow. And sometimes I wake up and know exactly what happened.

I also dream and get scared. Scared to where I need to get up, strip my bed and remake it to insure there are no spiders, scared where i sit up out of a dead sleep and my heart is pounding. I dream in crazy heavy emotion. I am going to start logging some of these wacky dreams. **

Phobias, Fears, and Spiders- OH MY!

Fears and Phobias: something I continue to find fascinating.

There are so many things out there, and someone who is afraid of everything.

This is what I learned today about Phobias: PHOBIA: The word phobia is Greek, therefore any word that is connected to it should be Greek. To coin a new phobia name, it is proper to follow this rule. The rule has been broken many times in the past especially within the medical profession which is steeped in Latin and often, when forming a name for a phobia, they have dipped into what they know and have used a Latin suppletion affixed to the Greek stem to form their names. The language pundits frown on this but it has happened time and time again over the years and these words have become accepted.

*SIDE NOTE: here is an Indexed Phobia List . Cool to look through, I must say.


I hate to admit it, but I have a phobia. Its irrational, embarrassing, uncontrollable, and insane. I am aware, and not proud. And I have tried everything short of being submerged in a vat of "the fear", and hypnotherapy. and believe me, I *still* am looking into Hypnosis. I believe I have Arachnophobia.


I am not entirely sure at which point something you are afraid of is deemed a 'phobia'. All I know is that for me, it is more than just disliking spiders or being scared of seeing them.
I know the difference. I can compare it with my fear of becoming bald, also known as Phalacrophobia. But I don't feel the same way about fearing my own baldness, I don't think its a phobia, as I do with spiders.


The difference is that upon encountering the little bastards, it is almost as if a light switch is flipped. One second I am fine, and the next I am in pure hysteria. I cant control my tears (and mind you- it is not just tears, its substantial amount of sobbing, sometimes mixed with shaking). My heart races, instantly my head hurts, and an insane amount of panic hits my entire body like lightning. Its absurd I tell you! My body & brain hit shock.

It doesn't matter the size of the spider, the result is basically the same. My only adapted 'saving grace' is that if I am far enough away to instantly convince myself that there is a chance its a different bug- i.e. a beetle or a fly- I can tone down the tears and panic and GTFO. But the moment my brain makes the connection, I am a lost cause.

I am not even sure what it is exactly I am afraid of either. In most cases I don't think it will kill me, although I do feel like they seek me out, knowing I don't like them- much like cats do. I know I am bigger (much, much bigger) and have the upper hand in the sense that I could step on the sucker, but I cant. I cant get close enough. I don't want to get close enough. THEY ARE SCARY. I did live in Kauai, Hawaii when i was little- Big ass spiders there. I would run through our door under the sleeping cane spiders every day. (Cane spiders EAT BABY BLUEBIRDS- wtf.) Perhaps the abnormal amount of spiders there contributed to the issue, I don't know.


I have nightmares that spiders and have to get up, strip my bed, and remake it in order to get to back sleep. And it frightens me to know that Daddy Long-Legs-which are everywhere- are SOOO poisonous that if they had large enough mouths to bite humans, it would kill you. My luck- I will encounter that one daddy long leg with a big mouth.


I write about this lightly, but this is one of the few things that actually embarrass me. It doesn't matter where I am- work, the grocery store, with the boyfriend, the park...- I can not control what happens to my mind and body. (and anyone who has been witness: my eyes do not handle tears well: insta-poof)
People judge: "It's just a spider Karlee." .... YEAH, I AM AWARE. I hate them. And I certainly would not freak out if I had the choice.
Worst part: you tell me you killed it, and part of me doesn't believe you. What if you tell me you killed it because it got away and you want to solve the issue?! But actually showing me the killed spider is just as bad.

Anyway, lost cause here. Working on how to solve this issue for myself. Either way, thought the phobia site up top was neat.


P.S. : Shane killed a HUGE spider with his bare finger the other day. BARE FINGER. siiiick.

Bee Positive

I will be the first to admit- I have bad days. I have back to back bad days. I get in terrible moods, where even the kindest gestures that normally I feel would warrant praise go near-unnoticed because I am mad. I complain, I gripe, I grumble... but I don't do it everyday.

Its becoming more and more noticeable to me how many people are ONLY negative. Everyday a coworker of mine starts her day off walking in the door and says something negative. every.day. Is there seriously nothing good in your life? I have mentioned this to her too. One day I was so sick of how she entered the office that I waited for her to get here and I flat out told her she has never come into the office happy. or said something nice. Not even that its not something nice, its not something not-negative. Her response: 'whatever."

Well, WHATEVER to you!? you smack negativity all over where I hang out for 8 hours a day. I don't like that. I would rather be somewhere else too, but face it- that's life. Hold your breath if you must, and wait to say how terrible your weekend was, or how cold your hand are, or how the traffic is so bad, or comment on how messed up I am for having a fan on...

and I am in no way suggesting that everyone stop bitching. I am all for it. Speak your mind, argue for the sake of arguing, point out what you dislike- its good for you. I do it!

BUT serious. if there is nothing in your life that makes you happy... you need a new life.

I would put money on that if you say something nice, or positive, before turning to bitching- overall your day, or better yet -your life, will be a whole lot better.

Try it. Dare you. Bee positive. :)

*Now, on my positive note: I got a new coffee maker today and a ton of coffee. Now I have a french press AND a one cup coffee maker. and the little coffee pouches are real cute. I am very pleased and excited to give it a go.*

Business Time

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This cracks me up.

Worst Luck

Lets recap my weekend: (yeah, there are witnesses)

Friday: random allergy to something in a salad. who knows WHAT it was, but it was something. Probably just shared a kitchen with something I am actually allergic to. But mid-chicken salad my mouth/tongue decided to whack out. Really, this was minor. Almost not worth mentioning, other than that it made for a 3 day in a row sequence of events.

Saturday: game night. Nothing major, nothing out of the ordinary. suddenly- BAM! hands swelled up-( swole up? were swollen??) either way, it was totally randomly. Thought at first I was just retaining water- i hear too much salt will do that to you. So, i took off my rings, which almost didn't come off. Then, next thing I knew I could not even touch my fingers to the palms of my hands that said fingers are attached to. What the eff? Benadryl-ed any annoyed, I went to bed. Bringing us to...

Sunday:

Started out just enjoying an absolutely delish pizza with the boyfriend before heading to watch Sherlock Holmes (which I must add, was quite good.) and ended with a bloody swollen mouth. Somewhere between dousing my pizza in red pepper flakes, and consuming the slice itself, one of those little spicy round bastards forced its way between my gum and front tooth. It hurt and burned like a mother. Now, having been previously Dental Schooled, I took it upon myself to head to the bathroom and perform a flake-removal procedure with a sharp piece of armamentarium- hand crafted from a straw. After icing the area throughout the movie, the swelling is gone and its only a fat sliced gum. but omg.

Seems to be that the boyfriend is right: I am a walking calamity.