Its Different Today

It’s different today.
Not a terrible different, just a noticeable one.
It’s a combination of things actually. Weather, emotions,
the fact that it’s Monday and I am at home.
I still need to take a shower.
It’s different today.

I am reading.
I am reading because being stuck in this book is keeping me from shaking.
I am reading, but I am frustrated at how slow my progress is.
I keep looking at my phone to see the time,
looking at the page number to see how far I’ve read, and back at my phone again.
No one has contacted me yet today.
My eyes hurt, they really burn-that’s also why I am reading so slowly.
But I’m not too frustrated to shut my eyes.
The book is good, I won’t lie.
It’s different today.

I feel funny. Not HA-HA funny.

I like to be 'make you laugh' funny. I like to make light of things.

But I mean funny like 'odd.'

I don't feel like being funny.

That's different today.

We decide to catch up on a favorite pastime.
We snuggle down under a blanket we’ve sat under a thousand times,
but you still ask me if you are taking up too much of it.
Of course not- we fit fine under here.
My laptop is notably hot on my thighs, even through the blanket.
It doesn’t matter though, its comforting. I am comfortable.
Normally I wouldn’t have noticed, but today I am abnormally aware of my surroundings.
But the show is good, and you are good, and so I don’t think about it long.
It’s just different today.

We both know we are tired.
You need some sleep.
I am going to be awake for a while, I already know that.
I can feel and hear both of our heartbeats. We are calm, but
they are equally heavy and fast.
You are dreaming- your body is telling me that.
I am listening, and thinking, and I am anxious.
Or is it nervous? Or maybe it’s merely anticipation. I don’t know what it is.
I do know that I love you. That feeling is very strong.
And I wouldn’t change this moment in any way.
I am surprisingly happy, but I still don’t feel good.
It’s different today.