I want to thank 2009

Its sappy-stupid- and lame, I know this to be true. But I do. I overheard someone the other day who nonchalantly mentioned having a terrible year and no friends/significant others/family to spend new years with so it can all go to hell. I don't even know this someone, but it really made me think. I'm lucky.

I want to thank everyone who was a piece of my 2009. Good piece, or bad piece, you were a piece of something that I cant give back. And I am happy to say that I don't want to give any part of it back anyway. Even the super shitty things from the last year I gained good things from experiencing them either way.

I want to thank my friends. My new friends who have came into my life in the last year, for being such fun, fabulous, interesting people that i feel lucky to call friends. My 'long time friends that I wouldn't trade for the world. Even though i don't see all them very often, thus far they have stuck with me through my ups and downs, and that is something not everyone has. My friends ROCK.

Happy with my family. They are awesome. They frustrate me from time to time, but I have more fun with them than alot of people have with their family. My parents are a blast, my sister is my friend, I have aunts, uncles, cousins-all who I have fun with and like to see. Apparently that's more rare than i thought.

and thanks to who I have shared everything with lately. You've sat there and listened to me cry, laugh, talk, think, complain, question... and never once have you failed to help me. You have been the absolute best. And I cant wait for more of that with you.

I want to thank those of you who let me do things like throw up on your coat, eat dinner and then fall asleep at your house, smack you in the face, or lost something of yours, or mess up REAL bad, and rode it off as "good times with good friends and good memories made" and still liked me after. What an attitude to have- that alot of us, including myself, can learn from.

...and thank the laid back people who help keep me sane. and those of you who can appreciate a practical joke, and play back. And the one who has laid things out black and white for me for the last few months and really taught me lots.

Thanks to the people in my life who gave me new ideas, music, new experiences, games, information... I love to grow. (as long as its not around my waist.) and I grow from the people around me. LOTS Of you in that group.

And thanks to everyone in 2009 who hurt me or pissed me off to all hell. I take from you people a better senses of what I want and don't want, or what I like or don't like, and who the people are that I want to surround myself with. Nothing to be ashamed of. You can't be everyones friend and not everyone is going to like you, so better take the fails and get something from them. NO hard feelings brought into 2010. Thanks for sucking so I could learn.

I sincerely hope that everyone has a fun, SAFE, and happy New Year surrounded by the ones that they love. Peace out 2009. Peace.

How To Get Rid Of Unwanted Presents (Seasonal: Seasonal Humour)

I have found a site who's slogan is "Get Good At Life." this is now my favorite slogan.
and from this site I have borrowed some Seasonal Tips:

This is Holiday tip numero uno...

How To Get Rid Of Unwanted Presents (Seasonal: Seasonal Humour)

How To Survive A Family Christmas (Seasonal: Seasonal Humour)

And yet another helpful hint for the holidays. If this is like your family, this will be VERY helpful...

How To Survive A Family Christmas (Seasonal: Seasonal Humour)

Hot Minute

For the life of me, I do not understand the phrase hot minute. I even Urban Dictionaried it, and i am still lost.
"Gawd boy, haven't seen you in a hot minute!"... wtf? I know what this is TRYING to say, but that makes no damn sense.
I understand HOT. Temperature we are all familiar with.
and I also understand MINUTE. Amount of time we all understand. But how on earth does a hot minute mean a lengthy amount of time?! Apparently this is commonly used, and apparently this is the sequence:

MINUTE= its been a long time. (longer than 60 seconds, but not 'hot minute' length. assuming this means days) ex- "Haven't been there in a minute"...meaning 3 days. (??)

HOT MINUTE= its been a LONG time. (seems to be weeks or months?) ex-"I have eaten a push up pop in a hot minute"... meaning months.

-when i hear someone say 'minute' I auto-think of a 60 second time frame. When referring to days, why not say "I have not heard from you in days?" Soooo much less confusing, and the un-ghetto can follow what you are trying to say.-

I first came across this statement when someone facebooked me and told me they had not "talked to me in a minute." immediately I looked at my phone to see if I had accidentally text this person. nope. Confused, I let it go.
Let it go until yesterday when I came across another confusing facebook incident. This was the "boy I have not seen you in a hot minute." That's when it clicked. Stupidest saying ever is a popular one. and I cant for the life of me understand where it came from, or how it makes sense.

Perhaps next I will see that a "cold second" means a years length of time.

Just confused. Anyone have any information on this stupid phrase? You will never catch me saying it in any kind of seriousness.

Suggestions?

I need help. I can't balance. This is the third time I am writing this blog because i need to vent, and don't need to ramble. I need ideas.

I am stressed. FAR more stressed on a daily basis then i need to be. I don't have a stressful life: I am happy, I am in love and am loved in return. I have a home, a family, and fabulous friends whom I think the world of. I, overall, like my job and make more money than i pay in bills, and although I am not making lots of money, I am able to go out, take the boyfriend out and pay, see my friends, afford a day off, etc...

these things are not stressful.

But I am stressed. Little things. Big things. I don't have enough time in the day.

I already don't sleep- I never have been good at it. You lose hours of the day you could utilize to your benefit, you miss things.. you wake up and have to "catch up" on whatever happened while you were out. from the person next to you in your bed, to the tsunami across the world... you don't know what happens when you sleep and that really bugs me.

lately I am so burnt out and exhausted that I fall asleep. I then get sad at myself because that is the opposite of how i want to spend my time. that is exactly what i have always hated about sleeping. I sleep only because you have to. end of story.

YOU CAN SLEEP WHEN YOU ARE DEAD.

And because I load my days full, it eventually catches up with me at the end of the week and I dont have the time or the energy to do the things i want to do (to the extend i want to do them) i am MORE stressed.

Stress brings on more migraines. migraines result in more sleeping. HATE that.

Stress brings on tears, those suck. If i even think about crying, my eyes puff up. not cute. you've all seen the photos.

Stress gets in my way of my good time. I have had a breakdown 3 times in the last 2 weeks. That is so unlike me. I think i have pinpointed an anxiety problem.

One of the many things my body is messed up with, i will ask the doctor about it Tuesday. I know if i sleep more, i will have the energy to do the things i want to do, but it just isn't working that way. and i get all anxious and freaked out when it doesn't. and i want to spend all my free time clearing out any possible things i would have to do on the 2 days i get to see the boyfriend, so i can see him. then i am so flipping tired I cant do that right.

Why can't I space my time out? WHY is everything so imperative to me that it has to be done NOW? i mean, i am efficient... i do have that going for me. but seriously, there has to be a way to balance the fun things, the things you need to do, the sleeping, all the things at work...

More to come after the doctor. my prediction: he tells me to start getting some sleep. FML

Its the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

'Tis the season friends! It is time.

All year round, out of everything there is to do in the fabulous city of ours, we have reached my favorite.

WINTER GARDEN aGLOW

out at the Botanical Gardens, it opens Thanksgiving day!

$6.00 for adults, $4.00 for kids.

the ENTIRE place is Christmas lights.

*There are barrel fires throughout the whole thing*

** Its absolutely beautiful. **

...If you feel like it, you can plan it right and be there a night there is caroling through out for your listening pleasures (not every night), or a night that Santa is there (for the littles)

If you have never been, I highly suggest you go. Its rad(There are cookies/hot coco/and the like for donations i believe, in a heated tent)

ALSO OF NOTE: Holiday Lights Tours are up and running once we get into December. This is fun too. if you don't want to pay for a seat, I have just driven behind the train and followed them on the tour. not as fun, but doable.

Enough is Enough

You have GOT to be kidding me. There is a serious rodent problem at my house and the landlord has still done nothing about it.
"Its that time of year."
"Its an old house."
"Its ok, it will clear itself up."...Its bullshit, actually.
Its Nasty, dirty, and NOT ok. more than a year there has been rodent issues. Sorry, but it wasn't cold this summer when Randy moved in.
I'm not kidding, fix it. You can't refuse to let me move out AND refuse to come over and fix the broken roof/ceiling/etc that is letting our little "friends" in.
I cant afford new food every time a squirrel wants to eat in my kitchen.
I cant afford MORE mouse traps. plus its sad. and did i mention nasty?
Cleaning supplies, i can get more of course, but with what money?
I've lost it.
I looked into this, thanks to a few helpful people. You are actually breaking a few rules here, landlord man.
Its a fun area to live, but not at the expense of these guys:

IgniteBoise,Please

Today is the day. IgniteBoise3. #IB3.

I am excited and thrilled to see all the presentations of those whom already are my friends, and also for the presentations from those who I have not had the pleasure of meeting to date.

I think being an IgniteBoise presenter automatically says something about you. I am jealous, amazed, and intrigued by the Boiseans who have already had their 5 minutes, and of those who tonight will have their 5 minutes. What a cool deal.

I desperately want to be one of YOU. You being those talented, witty, together folk who speak to the rest of us. My problem, I can not decide what I like or know enough about, that could possibly IGNITE BOISE.

I know I like lots of things. I know I know lots of things. I am not afraid to talk, and telling a room full of people 20 slides of whatever I want sounds like something right up my ally. People have told me:

"do something funny."

"Do something witty."

"Karlee, just do it about something you care about."

...well, duh. I just don't know what I care about enough to tell all of you about. Funny, or not. I.Just.Don't.Know. And this leads me to wonder if the fact that I don't know what I care about that much is the problem. I am sure I can think of things I care about, but really, I doubt my future Boise friends want to hear about my pet pig I had once. And my already-Boise friends know about my pet pig. hmm.

What on earth would the rest of you want to hear about? I have looked at what has already been done and wondered why I didn't think of that, or acknowledged that I could think of something good. Really, its not rocket science. It boils down to what you like and know enough to tell other people about.

I like lots of things. I really like Holidays. I really like people. I really like eavesdropping- Not good topics.

I really like Boise, food/beer, and vacationing- (don't we all)

hmmmmm again....

I took a twitterfriend's advice and checked out some of the other city's Ignite web pages:

IgnitePortland

IgniteSeattle!

IgniteBoulder

IgniteChicago

(not to be confused with Ignite Chicago the christian music festival... I certainly was confused. not so much my bag, baby.)

They have had some rad stuff there too.

Overall, I am impressed with anyone who has been able to get something together.

Then, it comes to the slides part: thank the heavens above that I know enough people to help me there. I'll go ahead and consider that part of it 'done'.

Needless to say, I am going to start now on thinking of a topic for a future IgniteBoise. Its something I want to do. Maybe I can get my shit together enough for the next one. I certainly will be there tonight to root on my friends/presenters. They are the best!

...and I hope everyone who can, plans to attend. It's really something. I certainly 'like' and 'became a fan' of it.

Lets Ignite Boise, please.

I Wasn't Always a Genius

Spelling=never been my forte.
It still is not, and I will be the first to admit that.
Here is proof in a story I wrote in one of my later grade school years-verbatim. Even down to the poor, poor punctuation skills.

Shannon and I were walking down the street on Halloween night. It was eeriley quiet. The moon was full and casting an orangish color on the world below. We were feeling a bit un easy when I looked up, and…
A dark cloud covered up the moon lit. it began to rain.
We saw a barn, and went inside for shelter. The bard doors slammed shutt, and shooke the barn. It was pitch black, and we were dreanched. I spotted a light at the other end of the barn. “Lets go.” I exclaimed. We started walking we started walking when Shannon fell a hole. I contued walking. When I reached the light I said…
Darn! “it’s a stupid light bulb!”.
I then turned around and saw no Shannon behind me. I turned and started to re trace my steps. I endedup falling down the hole Shannon fell down. “Oups!!” “I landed on Shannon’s head.” “Where have you been.!” Shannon asked. “Looking for you!” I said. We started walking to find a way out. It got darker, and darker as we walked. Then not knowing it was going to happen we both smaked into Jamie! “Ouch!” we all said. “Who is that?” asked Jamie. Shannon said “Shannon.” I said “me”. Jamie said “Who is me?” “Karlee” said Shannon. We all stood up and got our ballance. Then we held hands and contued to find our way out. As befor it got darker, and darker as we walked. Then we found a hole on the roof with a latter going up it. “Horrahh!” we all cried. We climbed up and found our selvs back on the other end of the barn. We desided that we would leave As we walked Jamie stepped on a box, and the doors slammed open. As the bright light streemed in on us (from the moon) our eye’s opened wideley. Then as we stepped out Dracula came from knowere and then trapped us. We figured out that it must be somebody. It was The Dracula ran away laughing. We all started home, and ate until we were full.
The End

This, this is why i rely on those damn red wigglies. Thank you word. Thank you spell check.

Germ Free

I love hand sanitizer. In every form i have come across.
I have a bottle: in my purse, by my work computer, in my room, in my backpack, and in my car.

I have the wipes in my car and home.





I have the spray kind in my back-up purse, and the middle console of my vehicle.

I desperately try not to open doors with my bare hands. I use my sleeve if its not a push door.

I flush public bathroom toilets with my shoes. This has led me to REALLY appreciate automatic flush toilets. Because some of those stalls are not so big, and some of my outfits don't leave me to be quite so flexible.

I take the paper towel i dry my hands with to the door with me, open the door with the paper towel, and hold the door open with my foot so I can throw away the paper towel.


I don't hold railings when I walk down stairs (hence my knee brace/terrible fall down a flight of stairs a few months back)


...I can't count how many times I use hand sanitizer. I know it only kills surface germs, and not even %100.00. In no way am I suggesting you should replace appropriate hand washing with using and form of hand sanitizer.
But let me tell you:
When you are at Albertsons and the cart guy is three knuckles deep in his own nose WHILE taking all the carts back inside- you want sanitizer.

...or when someone comes into your office and sneezes or wipes their nose and then touches your desk, or your flyers, or your hands- you want sanitizer.

This is my favorite kind of Hand Sanitizer:

Purell with Aloe and Vitamin E. It kills %99.99 of germs without water. In turn, it has the added Aloe and E to help your hands. Because, trust me I know, this sh*t drys your hands out. I love it, I do, but it is not the most moisturizing product I have come across.

It does specify on the back that it is "intended and recommended for repeated use." not sure what Purell's definition of "repeated" is... somehow I think its not every few minutes. BUT, regardless...

Here are two fabulous examples of the germs on your hands:

You touch a million things every day. If you cough on your hands and flip on a light switch-your cough is now on the light switch.

If you open a door that someone slimmed, then you answer my phone... then random person slime is now on my phone. I then use my phone. Its disgusting people.

When you cough or sneeze- for god's sake, do it into your arm. Covering your mouth with your hands is just as gross as not covering at all! (well, maybe not JUST as gross- but close)

If you are a nose picker- heaven forbid you break that nasty habit- wash your hands after.

ALWAYS wash your hands after the bathroom.

I KID YOU NOT: I overheard this conversation in a public bathroom in Boise:

girl 1: You Gonna wash your hands?

girl 2: The sticker says all employees must wash their hands. I don't work here and am just going back to my table.

- YOU KIDDING ME?! SICK! yes, going back to your table but touching a hundred things that I, or someone else, might touch on the way back to our tables!

(... hence the paper towel to open the door and the sanitizer in the purse thing.)

come on kids:

Germ Free is the way to be!

carry your sanitizer.

I Give To You...

Anyone who comes & buys a drink @owyheeplaza in the Lounge for 1st Thursday (November 5, 2009)- ask the bartender for a business card. Some lucky people will get a card that’s good for one free drink to cash in another night! Hope your card is a lucky one! The losing cards will say “You Lose”. You must buy a drink from our bar to receive a card, and you have to come back another night to use it. That’s the rules.

See you tomorrow!

(thanks for the input @LGM1 and @Daveredford)

My Roommate Randy

Squirrels. I don't love them, but I didn't hate them until a few months ago.

And up until last Monday, a squirrel was the only thing I had ever hit with my car. I even cried. His poor head was crushed into the street and he was still trying to run. Frightening prospect, having your head stuck to the street. Either way, I always thought squirrels were cute. Turns out, they are the Mona Lisa of outdoor animals. Cute is from a distance ONLY.

Some of you may recall this story from this last spring/summer.

I live in the North end, and I love it. This last spring, my roommate Kyle was on a back yard kick. And everyday he would take a coffee tin of peanuts outside, and place them on the fence for the squirrels. One squirrel, he would come back every time. So what did Kyle do?... put the peanuts closer... like on the bar. and the picnic table. Sure enough, the squirrel liked us. He started showing up for snack time, so what did Kyle do then? name him.

Randy. The fat squirrel who came over everyday to play with Kyle and have peanuts. Randy even got so comfortable, I believe he would take peanuts from Kyle's hands. (I probably would have fed Randy too- if I wasn't allergic to 99% of our world.)

Well, of course the day would come when Randy realized he didn't need Kyle. Randy took it upon himself to chew the plastic lid off the coffee tin and eat the peanuts himself!

This is when the trouble began.

Then we started to notice things in the cupboards that were spilled. Now, I didn't think much of this. flower bags break. Bisquick falls out of the box. Dry cereal spills. Bags of chocolate chips eat themselves... wait WHAT?!

Missing food+ unknown messes+ sounds like someone is in the ceiling can only = one thing... Randy made it inside.

We could not figure it out either. No holes outside we could see. and upon investigation, we found out that the real ceiling- above the ceiling tiles, was unfinished. as well as the cupboards- there was no top board above the top shelf. open to the world above. dang.

Well, this led to Randy using the plastic sheet ceiling tiles (the ones that cover where the fluorescent lights are) as his bathroom area.

We would come home and the clear plastic would be more pee-colored with little brown dots. and those dots were NOT dead flys people. Randy poo.

This got old FAST. All food items in the cupboards that were not in tin cans were gone. And washing ceiling tiles is not the most fun past time.

We figured, if we didn't put food in the cupboards, he would not have anything to eat, and go back outside.

Then came the foot prints in the butter on the counter. Not Kidding.

Randy, the little devil, figured out how to OPEN then cupboard doors from the inside. there for, all food no in the refrigerator was in danger.

Next comes the day I go home for lunch and Randy is hanging out on the couch. Apparently my house was as much his now as it was mine. He didn't think I'd be home for hours, so naturally, i scared the shit out of him. literally.

As Randy ran back into the kitchen, into the cupboard, up into the ceiling, and back outside, he left remains like a damn bread crumb trail... Apparently Randy read Hansel and Gretel.

I freaked. Called the land lord and told him about the new roommate- our problem he said.

So we buy Rat traps. I am going to make living with me as hard as possible for this guy. My dad helps me set them up in the ceiling and sure enough they all go off- all the treats in them gone, and no Randy. pretty sure he is laughing at me at this point.

We re-set the rat traps and the next time I get him! I even poked him with a broom to make sure...yeah- not moving.

So i call the dad and he comes to remove the expired roommate. Well, Randy was just playing dead- probably another trick he picked up. So after attacking my dad's arm, peeing all over his business suit and my kitchen- Randy makes it back to safety. grrrrr.....

That night, I woke up middle of the night as I routinely do. Only to find Randy at the foot of my bed- plotting my murder I assume. And he hissed at me. AT ME. sorry for invading your space Randy. (those are some territorial creatures...)

This is when we have to upgrade. Its time for a live trap. One big enough to catch a skunk is needed, seeing as Randy grew to the size of a dog now- with all the human food at his hands.

We bait it, set it, and wait. I am pretty sure Randy read a book on what those were and would never go near it. But then came the day we heard it slam shut! Trapped! FINALLY!

Randy was freaking. that sugar-crazed squirrel from Over The Hedge?!... that was actually Randy. With the help of my parents, we get the squirrel out of the ceiling, take the trap to the river, and set him free. I have never seen something move so fast.

Randy hasn't been back. but just to make sure, I throw things and chase away every squirrel that I see. No new roommates.

I Will Fight You

I will begin by just briefly recapping the beginning of the night:

Halloween+costumes+DRINKS+parties+downtown+friends= so far so good.

...Then we decide to switch location and hit up the Bad Irish to see what they have to bring to the Halloween Night plate of good times.

B.U.S.Y. THAT is what they had.

But we stay. Fight our way to the bar and i ordered 6 shots, 4 beers, and 1 whisky on ice. (no, not ALL for me)

Immediately, the frustration of a busy bar/waiting in line for drinks for a hundred hours starts to diminish. We are all having a good time.

Then, of COURSE, i have to pee. now, Ashley had already used the bathroom and informed me that the line was long. and lord almighty, it was.

First, i approach the security guard man standing in front of the no-line, men's bathroom.

"security guard man, Hi. can i PLEASE go in there. I cant hold it."-me

"No, you can't. If I let every girl into this bathroom because there was no line, then lines out both bathrooms would be equally long."-security guard man.

(F THAT-sorry but each line would be 1/2 as long as the one coming out the girls bathroom, but whatever) i sense that he is not budging, and frankly i do have to use the urination station so bad that i actually cant stand there and argue.

so i go get in the back of the line and wait.

...and wait... and wait... and holy crap WAIT. this is taking forever.

FINALLY i get into the bathroom-still in line, mind you- and see what the problem is. there is only one stall being used. the larger stall has two girls in it, drunk, and just talking. TALKING. and i am about to pee my witch tights. SO I asked the person a few in front of me in line and sure enough, those girls have not come out for 30 minutes.

annoyed, i change my focus back to "holding it." then, the girl in front of me finally get her turn.

aaand great- she needs to puke, not pee. Mother of god i cant wait another second.

SO i bang on the stall with the 2 girls in it.

~"Hey ladies, can you please talk outside the bathroom, I kinda need to use it."

(this is me being nice)

~"You gotta F*ck*ng problem?!" (this is her being nice, i think)

-and here we go-

~"Yes actually, I do. I am going to pee on the floor if i don't get to a toilet. You are not even

using the bathroom-that is my problem. Time to move on" ( I am starting to heat up at this point- reminder: I now had my first drink over 12 hours ago)

... at this point, me and psycho chick start arguing pretty profusely. exact wording here gets a little fuzzy but i pretty much say "dont make me" and she says "brang it, b*tch." Really, all i want to do is use the bathroom and all she wants to do is piss me off.

Success on her part.

Finally her friend opens the stall door, grabs the girl i am arguing with by the arm and says "Like, fine- come on, lets just go somewhere else."

So i say "Like yes, finally"- ... I did the ditsy head flip and all.

well... then the girl throws her shoulder into mine as she walks by me, smacking me up against the wall. that action never fails to really piss me off.

WTF- so i shove the crap out of her, smashing her into the door of the bathroom stall.

Insta-silence through out the bathroom. This, in turn , really fired her up. Coming at me again, her friend grabs her.

"Seriously, I am going to pee, THEN kick your *ss if you touch me again" I say. ( Order of actions makes sense to me.)

...so i do my biz and leave the bathroom, only to be greeted by someone I don't know, saying "I heard you just got in a fight in the bathroom. right on- she left."

"Yes, i did- thank you very much. " (like she could have done any damage to me wearing that hooker costume she had on.)

grabbing a drink, i walk back to my friends, only to be greeted with praise from Stina- she understood 100%.

Burley Experience #1

Hey boyfriend- this is the story I told you I would post instead of tell you...

Let me begin by letting everyone know that i used to have a TERRIBLE habit of locking my keys in my car. Everyone knew i did it. In the ignition, leaving them on the seat, setting them in the cup holder, etc...

I went through remade car key's like no body's business. Covered myself with road tar one time looking under my car for a spare key i forgot we had already used and i lost.

Now, travel with me friends, back to my junior year of highschool. Me and my friend Brianne wanted real bad to go to Burley on Friday night. You are probably asking yourselves: "Why Burley?" and that is a great question... Because I wont lie, I can't remember. Whatever it was, it was gonna be fun though- I promise you this. I think we were going to visit a friend of ours for the night and Color. I don't know, could have been anything.

Either way- both sets of parents said no. No reason to go, stay in town. BOOO that.

Feeling daring (as we know I still am)... we lie. LIE! (poor idea kids.)

... I tell my parents I'm at her house, she tells her parents shes at my house... we load up my car and peace out. Burley...you crazy town you... Here-We-Come!

ok, we're there now. We meet whoever it was for dinner in some diner. WOAH CRAZY. I know, I was getting out of hand. Next thing i know, we are getting phone calls and text messages from Brianne's parents. They did not beat around the bush by saying :"you two better not have gone to Burley. you have 2 hours to get back here and prove you are in town or we are calling Karlee's parents." (my parents were the harsher set of the two.) WFT?! someone leaked to their parents we went there and apparently parents call parents.

SO we are left with nothing left to do but GTFO. Instantly Brianne is buckling and cracking under the pressure. I tell her that this gives us 2 hours to think of a story what we were doing. All's i gotta do is get gas (yep- on E), and we can go.

so what do i do?! pull into the gas station and pump away. Brianne goes to the bathroom. I hurry and need to go inside to pay (since its after dark) and so i lock my car real quick... and- WAIT?! LOCK MY CAR?!

.... yeah- keys in ignition. you have got to be kiddin me!

So, now lets review:

I owe the gas station $30.00 of the $40.00 I have

My car is RUNNING, and locked us out in the gas station.

Its after dark, Friday night, in BURLEY IDAHO.

= no one to come UN lock it. especially when i can only pay $10.00.

=screwed.

=Brianne's crying.

Now, being the shy person I am, this leaves me to go into the gas station to ask for help. the line is long to get to the counter, so I just went and stood on it. I announced to the Gas station that I needed to get my car unlocked NOW, and needed ideas?

then, little beard-touching-the-ground man (with the dirtiest fingernails i have seen to date) pipes in: "Hey, i gotta slim jim in the back of my truck." Dirty old man immediately became dirty best friend.

Total time it takes him the time to finish his Hamms, get the slim jim, and break in=40 minutes.

SNAP! this left me with 1 hour and 20 minutes to get back to Boise.

I cut in line again, throw my $40.00 onto the counter and tell them to give the change to the old man, and we fly home. literally, i got air over some of those little highway hills. (I know i was speeding, but that's in the past.)

Between the stress you could taste in the car, my friend freaking and crying that we are "going to be in so much trouble, and my brain trucking away to decide the plan of action, I hate to admit i made it to Edwards Cinema 21 in a little over an hour. (oops- i promise i don't drive like that anymore)

Now you are probably wondering, why Edwards?! here was my plan: and it worked flawlessly:

*I parked and we left our cell phones in the car.

*Again, i locked the keys in the car. (on purpose this time)

*We went in , picked a movie fitting the right time, went and bought a drink from Moxie Java, and borrowed their phone to call her parents.

of course, it is hilarious that i locked my keys in my car, and that's why we didn't get the messages. of course. so they come get us, drive me to my house so i can get a spare key, drive me back to Edwards and i drive me and my friend back to their house for the night.

I don't think i have lied since, and felt real bad, but what else was there to do? and they bought it.

Karlee May... has a terrorist ring to it, yes?

True Story: (as are all my blog posts. just sayin')

A few years ago, perhaps '06 or '07, I took my boyfriend at the time (for the sake of the story we'll call him Fish) to Vegas for his birthday to see his favorite show, among other things. It was 100% a surprise trip. I called into his boss and secretly requested he have the time off. The day before the trip I told him what kind of weather to and how many days to pack for.

He didn’t know where we were going until we got to the Boise Airport, and again didn’t know what for until the night that I had tickets to the show, etc...

Anyway, we had a fun few *spendy* days in good ol' Las V and alas, it was time to head back to Boise.

We get to the airport, and I am immediately sad at how much busier it is than BOI. So we wait...and wait.... and wait in line for the security check. FINALLY we get to the front of the line to go through the beeper/scanner/"take-off-your-shoes-because-of-course-your-walking-on-your-bomb" area. I walk up to security man first... good to go. Then fish.

Immediately security man tells me to hold it. (yes he says "hold it"... of course initially I am thinking "hold what?!"...realizing he means "hold on.")

Fish's ID was expired according to Nevada Travel Law. Not Idaho, Nevada.

Apparently this means, yes, we are considered High Terrorist Threats.

Now, I am not sure how many of you have been considered High Terrorist Threats, but let me tell you-NO GOOD.

We both had to be police escorted down another aisle-past everyone who is waiting in line who now THINKS we are terrorists-, down another long hall, and into a funky room. In said room is a giant glass tank(for lack of a better word), and the ONLY other people besides us, police, and more police, is a family of 5 looking/sounding to be straight from Afghanistan. #SNAP! #RUDE

.. Again we wait in line. And my clothes go into a third line, to be swabbed and tested and picked at for god knows what. So in my line, of course ladies first, they instruct me to take off most my clothes (YEP!) and step into the glass tank. I have to stand with my feet EXACTLY on the footprints, hold my hands EXACTLY where it is marked. Doing so, the bomb test begins. My entire body got blasted from every direction by air bullets! One air bullet hit me on the top of the head, flipping a piece of my hair into my eyes. So what do I do?! I blow the hair chuck off my face. Bad Idea. This set off all the alarms in the tank. By blowing the hair off my face and out of my eyes, apparently I could have been telling my inner bomb to not go off.
So AGAIN I get metal baton-ed as I stand there practically naked -arms up in the air, legs spread, the alarms are going off and everyone is staring at me. (I consider what I was wearing to be naked considering I was in the middle of an airport- I want to clarify I was not 100% literally in my birthday suit.)
The baton does not pick up any bomb signs so I have to go back into the glass tank. This time they ask me if I understand them when they tell me not to move a god d*mn inch. Yep- pretty sure I freakin get that at this point.
... Much to my surprise (NOT) they re-air bullet test me, finish testing my clothes and decide I was not a threat to THIS flight. (I say THIS flight because there is more...)

They give Fish a similar test and tell us never to travel with an expired ID again. They let us go and escort us to our gate. Funny, the person I was right behind before being escorted away was waiting at the same gate to come home! The area we were standing cleared out pretty dang fast. This one punk kid asked me what we got in trouble for, and I said they thought we were terrorists because of an expired ID not to worry, I was BOMB FREE! *This is not to be mistaken with that I am "the bomb"*

... No issues on flights until...
This last spring I decided to go to the lovely Kauai, Hawaii with a friend of mine. Way back to Idaho, I AGAIN had to go to a special screening. They tested my shoes, clothes, and items in my carry on quite the same way as they did in the city that never sleeps. Coincidence?! I think not.

My friends, I am THE BOMB.

Allergic to Life

...It was mentioned again the other night that I am Allergic To Life. Yes, I know I am. Some of you are starting to pick up on it too :)

Just for the sheer fun of things, here is yet ANOTHER example of this:

This November will be the 2 year anniversary of losing my face. Honest. I purchased and wore (like the fun, team spirit girl I am) the Sticks of Blue & Orange face paint from the BSU Bronco Shop, so i could show my school spirit at a home game. I wore it right under my eyes- traditional "war paint" styyle...

about end of first quarter i started to itch...

and right about 1/2 time, my friend told me I really should "Look in the mirror."

Needless to say, I did. AND immediatly went home to take the paint off.

(*Here we go- brace yourselves*)

This is the moment I literally wiped off my face.

It hurt more than it even looks like it did.

This is one side of my face, about 6 hours after. It gets worse...

This is a "morning after" shot. I woke up and yes, I had 3rd degree burns on both my cheeks.

This is the Right side 3rd degree burn. Day 2

This is the Left Side 3rd Degree Burn...

Yes, This is 3 MONTHS after. I could not wash my face for the entire healing time. Had to wear NO makeup-None-all i got to do was put the prescription from my doctor on it and i could put straight Vitamin-E oil to keep it from pulling and scaring. I had to sit there and let the scabs come off "at their own will." (THAT is disgusting, i know)


-It took off all my freckles (no worry they are back now).

-I STILL can not put my face under hot water.

-I didnt scar (thank goodness), but its still sensitive.
-It took 6 months to heal completely and my cheeks still hurt. Certain products

~Allergic to Life~

I HIT WHAT?!

This morning while getting my coffee so I could be uber productive at work, i met in the hall a face Icould not place. (Hate it when that happens, by the by.) He obviously recognized me as well, and as we walked past each other with a mere "good morning" I started to put the ol' thinkin cap on. It can be extremely difficult to place someone when they are out of their normal areas, not going to lie. ...SO as I grab my straw it hits me. That was the dude from the horrible 7-11 slurpee run! Having just talked about my need to blog last night while wine&gaming with my friends, I thought this was someone up there's way of saying- tell THAT story. so now ya get it:

A few summers ago I got a narsty case of the strep. Staying home and resting OBVIOUSLY didn’t do the trick, so I took my better shoulder angel's advice and went to party the sick right out. That night=fun. Next morning=not so much. Felt like a million people scraped my throat with forks. Remedy for swollen, sore throat?!... SLURPEE.

So, i grab my roommate at the time and we hung-overly walk to my car to drive to the 7-11. Get there, and as I am pulling in to the 2nd spot from the left, I notice homeless man sitting on curb. and he has the look of fear on his dirty weathered face. Doing the extremely noticeable :look-at-me, look-at-the-car, look-at-me" thing with his head, I look at my roommate and ask her wtf is going on with curb-man. I decide to go with my better judgment and still get out to get a slurpee. When I stand up out of my car, the homeless guy points at my car and literally says
"WHAT THE F*CK DID YOU HIT?!"
... guy could tell I am super confused at this point and so he shakes his finger at my car and says "DID YOU HIT SOMEONE?"

Spinning around I look at my car. Sure as shit there is a crap ton of HAIR coming out of the tire well and across the lower side of the car. Not going to lie, i freaked.
Immediately I start running through the night.
*did I let someone drive my car?...no
*did I drive my car after drinking downtown? ....NO
*does someone have the other set of keys?...NO!
*Did I see any dead animals around my car this morning?...NO!!

... I am at a loss and I did not know what to do. But there is no doubt that there is blond hair all over my business.
Extremely out of it I walk into the gas station to collect my thoughts and figure out what to do.
shaking=check.
crying=check.
worried=check. WTF!
... that’s when the guy from the coffee shop this morning comes into play. HE was the cashier.
He sees me freaking and does the "ma'am, is there something Ican help you with?"
of course, I say, "there is something on my car. I think I hit something, but I cant remember. "
then I tell him the curb man pointed it out and says it looks like human hair and I was freaking too much to check it out and i asked the cashier what I should do. He jumps the counter and runs out there, and honest to god covers his mouth and turns away. I thought he was going to throw up. He turns back around, kneels down, and sticks his hand up under the car and starts pulling out the hair. and more hair and more hair and finally, a piece of the source of the hair.
A freaking Barbi head.
OMG
i ran over a clan of barbies and their stupid plastic hair static stuck to my car. Cashier starts crying he’s laughing so hard. really, everyone starts laughing...except me. all I can think is "you have GOT to be kidding me."

Cashier guy gave me my slurpee for free that day. the jumbo size in a Simpson's squishee collectors cup. Still have the cup.
I hate barbies.

I was THAT guy

I just got off the phone with my lovely mother. She was telling me about how at the gas station just now, someone put a lit cigarette into the trash can and the whole think went up in flames! had to shut off all the pumps, scream, run to back of the store and crouch down into the "buildings gonna blow" position, cry, say good-bye.... the whole bit.

For peace of mind- it was fine. They got the fire out, and there were no explosions.

But talking to her did remind me of a little mishap i had in Utah a few years back. It goes a little something like this-

My good friends and I were having our usual summer camping/Lagoon trip. We go down every year for camping, Lagooning, Salt Lake "Night Clubbing", etc. This particular year there were many of us, and so we had a whole train of cars. We decided it was time for everyone to fill up the ol gas tankers. So we pulled into some Utah Shat hole of a gas station and did our business.

I, naturally, was the first one in line for gas, and so as a result was the first one of our party to hear the pump turn itself off cuz my baby was full.

We had some planning to do, so as i washed my windows and my fellow compadres and I mapped out who would lead and where we were going type stuff for the remainder of said day.

Approximately 15 minutes went by and we were all ready to hit the open road.

Casey, my favorite co-pilot, jumped into shot-gun and off we go...o...OOH!

WTF was that?!

I looked at Casey who was crying. And might I add not tears of sad. Tears of sheer immediate laughter. i turned around and, yep, i didnt take the pump out of my car.

Gas door lid still open.

Hose detached from pump.

Hose lying on nasty now gas-covered concrete.

Dont worry, i knew exactly what i needed to do. DRIVE AWAY and fast! And so we did.

No one contacted me. i figured if it was important they would use their cameras and check my license plates. Musta notta been too bigga deal.

But yep, i was THAT guy.

Epitomy of Fat, and i didnt fight back.

***I first must clarify that none of the following situations are to be taken as me being rude or racist. These are all accurate stories, mearly repeating was was said to me. read at your own risk.***

These are the 3, count them THREE, times i didnt fight back. normally i am not the girl to let it slide (if you will). i am a mind speaker, and a fire-it-backer. i blame the following instances on being 100% caught of guard.

SITUATION 1) picture driving for 8 hours with all the windows down, in abnormally hot heat for the time of year. you are driving to go camping. you are with your friends, none of whome you need to impress. You reach your destination, and immediatly realize if you do not go to the bathroom to relieve yourself, you will be relieving yourself right where you stand. so you sort of book-it to the camp bathrooms and an overly made up (dare i say) tramp takes one look at you disgusted and says "you may want to put your hair up in a pony-tail. i would even let you have a hair tie. it doesnt look good" ...yes, this happened to me.


SITUATION 2) Imagine yourself falling down a flight of stairs. (yes, some of you recall this happening to me). You then have to escort yourself to the doctor to have xrays to determine how serious the situation is. You are in the xray room with the stupid xray lady, who OBVIOUSLY forgets you are already in severe pain, and is twisting your shit around like its fine. First she tells you "go ahead and put on that extra lead jacket, we want to protect the baby." you shrug this off as her horribly tactless way of asking you if you are pregnant (you know they have to ask by law, so you shrug it off since your knee is broken and thats more important.) You tell her your "not pregnant, but will wear whatever I need to, lets just get this thing rolling". She then drops everything and says "...are you SURE you are not pregnant?!" ...thinking to yourself , you say "yes i am sure." Nurse then continues to say "well wear it anyway, i think you may be pregnant and so we will take the precautions just in case, and you may want to double check on that." ...yes, this happened to me.


SITUATION 3) you are trying on tall, zip up boots in target. it is fall, you have never owned a pair of knee high zip up boots (you know, the kind everyone has), and although you will never wear them outside anyclothing to show how hooker-high they are, you want them for under your pants. just to have. so anyway, you are trying on boots. immediately after putting on the first boot, you realize your calf-to-foot proportions are not ideal. you go for it anyway. as you squat there and discretely struggle to zip them up around your leg, the smallest, skinniest, LOUDEST chinese woman rounds the aisle. pointing dead at you with her long finger, and grabbing her friend by the arm, she yells " SEE, I TOLD YOU! 'DEES AMERICANS EAT TOO MUCH!!" yeah... this happened to me.

~perhaps i should have just posted this under " I Swaer This Shit Only Happens To Me".

... or perhaps thats waht I should have just called the whole blog~

I Swear this Sh*t Only Happens To Me

We started out this last Sunday going to the beach for the day. After drinking everything that we brought, and sitting out what i feel was the closest thing to a sand storm in the Sahara that i will ever be in, we decided that we had been there long enough and it was time to go back to town.

In walking back to the car, we over hear the blondest barbi i've ever met in real live say to her friend "OH MY GAAWWWWD, THIS WOULD BE THE BEST PLACE FOR MY SENIOR PHOTOS..." Point taken. So my friends and i decide that it would be a good idea to take as MANY senior photos on the wat back to the car as possible.

(I feel that we may have had far too good of a time with this. actual "senior Photos" can be found on my facebook page, under photo album name "Senior Photooos" )

being the excellent cameraman that i am, i thought i would back up against this wooden/cable railing to really get a great position for the next shot. The railing's purpose was for keeping everyone/everything from tumbling down the mountain and into the small rocky creak below. Point is, as i back up i lean up SLIGHTLY against the railing.

Apparently i am either the girl who is heavier than she thinks she is and i didnt realize that the wet, old railing could NOT support my weight, OR i am the girl who only thinks things half way through before beginning them, but immediately i feel the middle cable behind me slip further and further from my back, and my body involintairly begins to head much further backwards than i would have wanted. Thinking that the middle cable was just loose, and being the quick thinker we all know i am, i grab the highest cable to pull myself back toward safety. Turns out more than just the middle cable was loose. my sliding out of control body weight actually ripped the entire last post from the ground, and so in grabbing the cable, it just slid through ALL the remaining standing posts, giving me enough slack to fall to my death.

i try to throw my body onto the pavement path as to NOT fall down the hill covered in every plant Oregon has to offer my allergic self. But, alas, I threw myself to the pavement a little to late, for i was already far to far away from it. SO i tangle myself up in the cables and somehow suspend myself mid way down.

*STUCK IN CABLE CORDS HALF WAY DOWN A MOUNTAIN= CHECK

*CRYING FROM LAUGHING AND BEING IN AN ASTRONOMICAL AMOUNT OF PAIN=CHECK

*ALL MY FRIENDS TAKING PICTURES OF ME BEFORE HELPING ME=CHECK

*ALL PASSING PEOPLE ASKING ME IF I FELL, OR DID I KNOW I WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO GO DOWN THERE, BUT NOT HELPING ME UP=CHECK.

i am just far enough down the cliff that just lifting me is not a possibility.

...so i hang there. literally.

...until we derive another method of getting me back up.

Friends stand on the cables further down the path to make the ones i am tangled in (and hanging onto) tight enough to make me a little higher up and so i can sort of hoist myself up a little and use my free leg and my arms to untrap my right thigh. While i do this, my other friend lifts me up from under my armpits, becuse i was now high enough that she could reach me. Together we use our weight and pull me from cable cord cliff hell, and back to beaten path forest safety.

SUCCESS! ...sort of.

scratched and bruised up, and the only thing currently covered in rash today is my leg. doesnt look like poison ivy, but it sure feels like it.

me hanging, holding on for dear life to the metal cable rope. yes, that is black hole death. no land immediatly under me. cant touch anything with my feet...

casey pulling me back up as i kick my thigh free. yes, those gruesome disgusting faces were for a reason. yucky, painful distress face i call it.

WTF happened to your eye?!

This is a top 10 list (and in no particular order) of the comments i received due to my little recent mishap with the mosquito. I feel they earned the right to make the list, although MANY a comment will not be mentioned. Also, will not take the time to describe the looks i got. here we go:

10) "Looks like he had to tell you twice" ~courtesy of @StinaMFKing

9) "HOLY SH*T~ did you fall off the deck again, only this time hit your face?" ~neighbor #1

8) "who won?...and how does the other person look?" ~unknown man at gas station

7) "did the mosquito "accidentally" push you down the stairs too?!" ~thank you @ioncontrol

6) "or did it "accidentally" hit you in the face with a doorknob?" ~ @repressd

5) "...B*tch, I told you. you tell them a mosquito bit you, or else..." always classy sister of mine

4) "Who is "mosquito" code word for, and where do they live?" ~friend that is a boy

3) "I'd tell you its not that noticeable, but it is. " ~Bob C.

2) "you need to think of a better story than the truth. it just makes you seem like an idiot. no one gets bit in the eye." ~another lovely co-worker

1) "yeah that really does look awful. too bad you cant wear sunglasses at work." ~boss.

nice, huh?! :) gotta love it!

Full Hook-ups in the Woods!

THATS RIGHT PEOPLE! Advertised right here before your eyes. Full Hook-ups in the woods! who could ask for more?!

~Recently, a clan of us ventured out into the great unknown to see what Northern Youdaho had to offer. We always take the road trip down and play in Lagoon, but this year was bribed to spend mulah in our own state and see what we have to offer. so we went with it. and who'da known?! Not only do we offer, but we advertise full hookups in the woods! Immediatly upon arrival we were all pleased with our weekend vacation choice~

~This brings us to the next glorious found sign we stumbled upon. We were not only pleased to have proper riding positions outlined for us, but excited that we would be allowed to hold the black grab rail with both hands.

...we then began to notice the warnings all around us. Apparently the sky was not as safe as we had always thought.

This was by FAR the most frightning sign of the trip. HERE IT IS, plain and simple. if you stand up (and from what i guess even if you consider standing up) you will lose your head entirely. Lucky for those next to you though, your red insides will stay perfectly inside your neck like soup in a bowl. and even luckier for the observers, becuase you will be able to continue through the ride with your head in hand, and cool sparks flying behind it!




...but here we are again with the sexual innuendos.Dont attempt to raise up in your seat or you will lose your head? (thank the people in line behind us for that one)

~lastly, we wanted to note Pappy. This was the tip of the iceberg,if you will. Proof, that if you dont listen to the signs, you will not leave the park. lets have a moment of silence for Pappy. Pappy's grave was conveniently located where we were being robbed for donations for terminally ill children. it was in intense moment in the woods.

~So all in all, i left with 2 major questions unanswered:

1) What exactly happened to result in each one of these signs being created?!

2) Why do we not advertise our full hookups in the woods a little more? we all left with a happy ending, whose to say that more people would not want that experience?